Breaking Free Read online

  I move away from his grasp and walk towards the Jeep with Seth closely behind me.

  “I’m not going to forget it, Paige. Since the moment we meant you have been skittish, you barely look me in the eyes, and the night I woke you up, you thought I was attacking you in the dining room. It’s not nothing.”

  I try to open the Jeep door, but he puts his hand on the door to keep it shut. “Paige. Talk to me,” he begs.

  “I can’t… nobody will believe me,” I whisper, staring down at the ground.

  “Believe you? About what?”

  Tears well in my eyes, and I try to blink them away. “Don’t ask me.” My voice crackles as I talk. “It’s… just something that happened. I’m over it. I’m trying to move on.” The tears break loose and slip down my face.

  Seth grabs my hand and pulls me into him, closing his arms around my body. I freeze from the sudden touch and try to pull away, but he holds on tighter.

  Suddenly, like a dam breaks, the tears come hot and fast. My body shakes uncontrollably as the emotions I have been hiding for so long finally break free.

  “Shh… It’s okay,” Seth whispers in my ear.

  I bring my hands up to his chest and grasp a fistful of his shirt. My tears soak his shirt.

  Hours seem to pass as I come undone in Seth’s arms, and he stands there, holding me close to him, not saying a word.

  When I finally calm down enough to stop crying, he opens the Jeep door, picks me up, and sets me in the passenger seat. He stands beside me, staring at me. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears. He softly brushes the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs.

  “What happened?”

  I want to answer him, but I shake my head, “He’ll hurt Anna… I can’t…”

  “Let me worry about Anna. He won’t hurt Anna if I have anything to say about it.” His tone reflects how sure he is.

  I swallow and close my eyes as I try to find the courage to say what I need to say.

  “Paige…”

  I open my eyes again and say the words that have been holding me down like an anchor since July.

  “Joshua….” I swallow over the lump and force out the rest. “Raped me.”

  I feel his body stiffen as soon as the words are out of my mouth.

  He pulls back from me, turns away, lifting his arms up, lacing his fingers behind his head.

  “Son of a bitch!” he yells out loud, making me jump.

  He paces back and forth in front of me for a few minutes before he stops, takes a deep breath as he turns to face me. His light hazel eyes have darkened to a murky green as emotions swirl inside them.

  “You have to go to the police,” he implores.

  I shake my head immediately. “No. No, I can’t, Seth. Nobody will believe me. He told me himself that nobody will believe me over him, and he’s right. Nobody will.”

  “Believe you? Nobody will…?” He pauses and takes another deep breath. “Paige, why do you think no one will believe you?”

  “I was new last year. Joshua has lived here his whole life. Why would anyone believe somebody no one knows?” I state.

  After the crying and the confession, my body feels weak. I am exhausted.

  “Let’s get you home,” Seth says abruptly.

  He rounds the Jeep and jumps in the driver’s seat, starting it as I shut the door.

  Seth doesn’t say a word the whole way back to my house. When I look over at him, his hands are white as he clutches the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. His face is set in a hard line, and his jaw is clenched.

  He comes to a stop outside my house and puts the Jeep in park. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Wait. Aren’t you going with your parents to your grandparents this weekend?”

  “I’ll come up with something. I’ll be here by eight,” he states.

  I slowly open the door but turn back to him before I get out. “Seth?”

  He glances over at me, and I can see sparks of anger in his eyes. “Yeah?”

  “Don’t… don’t tell anyone. Especially not Anna.”

  He looks away from me and stares at the steering wheel. “As much as I want to, I won’t. But you will, and I will be there when you do.”

  I nod my head, even though he isn’t looking at me, and shut the door.

  When I am finally in my room, I look at myself in the mirror. I check out my throat, hoping bruises don’t form where Joshua choked me.

  I bring my hand to my throat and shut my eyes.

  Telling Seth about Joshua feels like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders. I know it’s not over, the pain or the memories. But when I open my eyes again to look at my reflection, I know the road to recovery is beginning.

  When I go to bed and fall asleep, it is the first night in a very long time that I have no nightmares, and I don’t wake up until the morning.

  Chapter 17: Present

  The next morning there is a knock on my door jolting me awake. I look over at the clock: 8:00.

  Seth.

  I throw my covers off and stumble out of bed towards the door. I fling it open to see my mom, who has a huge smile on her face.

  “Good morning, Sunshine! So, there’s this cute, really cute, guy waiting for my daughter downstairs. He says that you guys have plans today?” Her eyebrow raises questioningly at me.

  I wet my dry lips before I answer her. “Uh. Yeah, that’s Seth. Anna’s brother. Tell him I will be right down.”

  “Okay, I will tell him. And when you get home, you have some explaining to do.”

  I give her a small smile and watch her leave before sprinting for my closet. I throw on some clothes and quickly put my hair up in a ponytail. I’m about to walk out of my room when something catches my eye as I walk by the mirror.

  Bruises.

  Panic fills me as I see the bruises Joshua left on my throat.

  I quickly turn toward my dresser and grab my makeup bag, digging around for the concealer.

  The last time I wore makeup was the Fourth of July. After everything that happened, I stashed it and told myself I would never wear it again.

  Facing the mirror, I dab at my neck. The concealer only hides some of it. I try to think of something else that would help hide it, and I remember I have turtlenecks in the box of winter clothes in my closet.

  I open my closet, pull down a box and open it, lift out a dark green turtleneck I see, and quickly pull it on.

  I can wear this turtleneck until I am out of the house and away from my parents’ prying eyes.

  “Paige!” My mom calls from downstairs.

  “Coming!” I yell back.

  I feel better now that the bruises are covered.

  I leave my room and walk downstairs to find Seth sitting in the living room with my dad and mom.

  My dad notices me first and smiles. “Hey, bug. Seth here was just telling us he is thinking of joining the military. He is undecided about which branch to join. I told him the Navy is better than any of the others, hands down.”

  I roll my eyes at my dad. “Of course, you did. Seeing as you were in the Navy for twenty-five years.”

  Seth stands up from the couch and looks over at me. He looks tired, and I feel guilt rising in my chest.

  “Your dad is very convincing about the Navy. I think he made the decision for me.”

  My dad laughs and claps his hands before elbowing my mom.

  My mom is looking between Seth and me with a curious expression. I see her about to say something, but I stop her by quickly asking. “Ready to go, Seth?”

  “Yup!” He turns to my parents. “I’ll have her home before it gets dark outside.”

  My parents seem to like that idea as they both nod their heads with wide smiles.

  “Maybe you could stay for dinner?” My mom asks, glancing at me quickly before turning back to Seth.

  “Uh, sure. My parents are out of town tonight, so I’m sure my mom will be happy to hear that I’m getting a good meal while they are gone.”
>
  “Great! I’ll set an extra spot at the table. Do you like spaghetti?” my mom asks him.

  He grins, which seems to make my mom melt on the spot. “I love it.”

  “Okay. Time to go.” I grab Seth’s hand and pull him out towards the door.

  “Dinner will be ready by six!” My mom calls out just as I’m shutting the door behind me.

  I hear Seth laugh as we make our way to his Jeep. “I think my mom fell in love with you in there.”

  Seth stops laughing to look at our hands that are still joined together.

  I let go quickly, feeling embarrassed.

  We get settled in the Jeep, and the air around us becomes eerily quiet.

  “They don’t know, do they?” Seth asks in a low tone.

  I shake my head and look over at my house, where I can see my mom peeping out the window. I force a fake smile and wave to her. “It will crush them.”

  He pulls away and starts heading into town.

  “How did you get out of going to see your grandparents?”

  He shrugs his shoulder. “I told my parents I thought I was coming down with Anna’s flu. Anna didn’t believe me and questioned why I was staying behind, but I told her I needed to help a friend.”

  “Oh…” is all I say, looking out the Jeep window.

  Twenty minutes later, we arrive in front of a rundown, red building with a sign above it: Baxter’s Gym.

  Seth smiles as he opens the door and climbs out. He walks around to my side, pulls open the door, and makes a sweeping motion with his hand. “Come on.”

  When we enter the gym, Seth calls out, “Jack! You here?”

  A muffled voice from the back shouts back, “When am I not?”

  An older man with graying hair comes out of the back room with a smile already across his face, and his steel-gray eyes twinkling in the light. “Hey, Seth. Nice to see you again. Come to work out?”

  “Not today. I brought a friend.”

  Just then, the older man seems to notice me, and his smile grows bigger before looking back at Seth. “Is this… Paige?”

  I look over in time to see Seth’s cheeks grow red, and he brings his right hand up to scratch the back of his head. “Uh. Yeah. This is Paige.”

  The older man comes over to shake my hand, his gigantic warm one engulfing mine. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

  Seth coughs uncomfortably.

  I giggle, feeling my face flush in embarrassment.

  “We are here to have her work out,” Seth says casually.

  I swing on him, my mouth dropped open in shock. “What?”

  Jack lets out a deep laugh before pointing to the back. “You know where the workout gear is.”

  Seth grabs my hand, and I feel a tingle up my arm. Having his hand around mine feels right, almost like it is meant to be there.

  Seth leads me passed the workout machines to the punching bags lined up against the wall.

  He bends down to grab a set of gloves and hands them to me.

  “What’s this for?” I ask him apprehensively.

  “You are going to take out your frustrations on that bag.”

  I shake my head slowly at him. “No. I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. And we are also going to teach you self-defense. I’m going to make sure you know how to protect yourself from now on,” he says with a stiff voice.

  “Seth…”

  “Angel, you are going to do this whether or not you like it.”

  The nickname makes my heart skip a beat, but he doesn’t seem to notice what he says as he picks up a set of gloves himself.

  “So, you are going to punch the bag like this.” He spreads his legs and brings his arms up to his face. He takes a swing with his left, then his right. He does this a few times before he looks over at me. “Your turn.” He takes his gloves off and drops them on the floor.

  I look down at the old, red, beaten up gloves and swallow around the lump in my throat. The inside of the glove is worn, and the fabric is rough.

  “Ready?” Seth asks as he takes hold of the bag to hold it still for me.

  I shake my head. “Let me take off the turtleneck. I have a feeling that this is going to make me sweat.” I slide the turtleneck over my head and hear the sharp intake of breath. “What?”

  Seth comes over and touches his hand to my throat. Rage fills his eyes as he takes in the bruises on my neck, moving his hand softly over them. “I’m going to kill him.”

  I grab his hand and push it gently away, hoping he didn’t feel me shiver from his touch. “I’m okay. Really.”

  He withdraws his hand and turns away from me and takes several deep breaths before he faces me again. “Let’s do this.”

  I nod and take a lunge for the bag, barely moving it.

  Seth chuckles and shakes his head.

  He comes over to me. “Here. Like this.” He grabs my left leg, bringing it to the side, which makes a scorching feeling shoot up where he touches. Then he grabs my right leg, stretching it to the other side.

  He grabs my waist and leans into my ear. “Bend your knees,” he whispers, sending a shiver down my spine.

  He brings my arms up to stop on both sides of my face. “Now.” He moves away, and the loss of his body heat is felt immediately. “Punch.”

  My fist shoots out and comes in contact with the bag. The feeling of release from it takes me by surprise. I punch it again. Over and over, blocking out Seth and the gym as I do.

  Joshua’s face flashes in front of me as I attack the bag. I keep hitting it, letting out all the frustration.

  Flashes of that night come at me in full speed.

  Him on top of me, pressing down.

  Him spreading my legs.

  Him taking everything I once was as his own.

  I don’t stop punching it until Seth pulls me away from it and brings me into an embrace.

  “Calm down. You’re okay.” Seth’s voice washes over me, calming me.

  I feel the tears on my cheeks and realize I am hitting his chest.

  “Shh. Angel, you’re safe. I’m right here.” Seth is stroking my hair, trying to soothe me.

  “I’m sorry… so sorry.” My voice cracks as I try to apologize for hitting him.

  Seth pulls back, putting his hands on my face. “You have nothing to apologize about, Angel. Do you understand me? The only one who should apologize is him.”

  I nod my head, and he pulls me back into him.

  “Hey, Seth. Oh… Is everything okay?” Jack’s voice rings out with concern.

  I feel Seth’s head nod. I pull back from Seth and wipe the tears from my cheeks, plastering a smile on my face. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

  Jack glances over at Seth, and they exchange a look I can’t read. “Wanted to let you know I have to leave the gym for a bit. Casey is in the back doing some homework for her college class. If you need anything, just ask her.”

  Seth nods his head toward Jack before he disappears again.

  “Who’s Casey?” I ask Seth as he picks up his gloves again to put them on.

  “Jack’s granddaughter. She’s going to college for her master’s, and she comes here to study every now and then.”

  I smile.

  “Since you let out some of your frustration on the bag.” He moves towards a door on the far right. “It’s time to fight me.”

  “Uh? Fight you?” I follow him through the doorway leading into another room.

  The room has a fighting ring in the center. “Uh. No. Absolutely not, Seth.”

  Seth climbs over the rope and into the ring, turning to give me a lift. “Come on.”

  I take a deep breath and grab his hand.

  He pulls me up, and I stand back and face him.

  “Seth…”

  “This is a great idea. You need to learn to defend yourself against people stronger than you, and I’m just the right person to help you.”

  I bite my lip, gazing down at the gloves covering my hands. “I
don’t want to hurt you.”

  Seth snorts. “Ha! You have gloves on, Angel. You can’t hurt me. Now, do what you did in front of the bag.”

  When I don’t budge, he sighs. “Paige, you need to do this. Do you want him to continue to have control over you?”

  “No,” I answer quickly.

  “Do you want him to continue to think you are weak?”

  Anger courses through my body. “I am not weak,” I snap out.

  “Then, why not? You can’t live in fear, constantly looking over your shoulder, waiting for him to strike again. Do you want him to hurt you again? Do you not care about what happened to you? You don’t want to fight back?”

  I glare at Seth. He is trying to get a rise out of me, and it’s working. “Seth, you have no idea what happened that night. I tried to fight back, but he was too—”

  “What? Strong?” Seth baits me.

  I take a swing at Seth’s face, and he brings his arm up to deflect it. When his hands come down from his face, he’s smirking. “That’s my Angel.”

  I am not mad. Well, I might be a little mad. But I am not mad at Seth. I am mad at myself for thinking I was weak. I take another swing, and he dodges that too.

  We go like this for two hours before Seth stops us.

  I’m panting with sweat running down my face.

  “Are… are you happy now?”

  Seth shrugs. “Are you?”

  I think for a moment. Deep down, I do feel much better after sparring with him. I feel like I could protect myself a little.

  I turn away from him, slide under the rope of the ring, sitting at the edge of the ring.

  After a few seconds, Seth sits down next to me.

  “Why do you care? You barely know me,” I mumble under my breath.

  “You’re Anna’s friend. If she cares about you, so do I.”

  I shrug.

  “You also need someone by your side. No one deserves to go through what you did. And if I can convince you to go forward, I will.” He moves his left hand and slides it over my right hand, pressed to the floor of the ring.

  I look over at him, and my heart skips a beat seeing the look of admiration on his face.

  “You were raped, and you’ve made it this far. He might have taken a piece of you, but don’t let him take all of you. Don’t let him win.”